After about a year of this social distancing thing I have realized I am a nerd. The year was spent listening and ordering over the mail (and every now and then trips to Wax Trax in Denver) noise and classical records I had always wanted to own. I started reading Terry Pratchett’s Discworld series and began obsessing over Batman again, which I think is good but now I subscribe to 4 comic books. A thing my childhood self would have been envious of but my adult self questions, am I just a child masquerading as an adult? My film choices lately have left me in that conundrum too. I watch animated superhero adventures, British mystery shows, and lots of buddy films. I still love serious film but without anyone to talk to it about, I’d much rather just watch cartoon adventures of the gods. The other worrisome trait the pandemic has seen to expose is a love of modular synths. They’re like the model train sets of my generation.
Overwhelmingly I have become very nerd like but…
I’ve also become obsessed with taking sexy pictures of myself and that isn’t very nerd like (maybe I’m a “sexy” nerd?!? I kind of like that. I mean, the sexy librarian is just a sexy person who loves books. Right?). Still don’t know what I’m going to do with those pictures though. Most of them are really bad because it is just darn hard to take sexy pictures of yourself! I included one of the few good ones as a poster for my album and as part of my summer art project/experiment. I always wonder how other people view them, but I worry too much….
I dress up a lot more now, and with the socially distancing thing I grew my hair out, and now I REALLY like dressing up. I look super cute too. And I realize I fit somewhere in the transgender spectrum but transitioning is expensive, and frightening to me. I just want to be able to go out every now and then all dressed up, and no one freak out about it but that has remained an illusive reality for me. At home all the time in the pandemic though, I can do whatever I want, and when I feel lots of anxiety or get real sad, I can dress up and it all goes away. Our brains are strange things.
In a totally different direction…..
I pulled all my recording equipment out and have begun the planning for my next projects. One I think will be a long drone album, but my kind of drones not the kind you’re thinking of in your head. The other I think will just be more guitar songs, instrumental synth stuff, and my other attempts at songwriting.
I’m thinking of calling the drone album A Gentle Disease or A Grotto Full of Drones, I’m not sure which one yet. The other album will probably take me about a year to make so for now I’m going to refer to it as The Wrath of the Gods pt. 2.
Take care everyone! Love you all! Especially you nerds!!!
I <heart> Batman!